Within the throws of the lunar eclipse last month, I created a new beginning.
For months I’d been feeling The Call deep down within the cells of my being. A cry to finally BE the catalyst for change that I craved for my life. An impassioned voice stirred inside me, screaming of the need for a life more aligned with Who I Really Am.
The intensity of my internal cries grew, yet I listened, afraid to take action. Afraid that my life would fall apart if I actually heeded The Call and made my desired changes. The longer I stalled, the more disenchanted I felt in the quiet, painful security of my constricting and outdated status-quo.
I felt small in this outdated identity, as my soul longed to taste more, contribute more and evolve more.
My soul longed to lead, yet it was getting “shushed” by my in-action, forced to merely exist within my tightly compacted schedule. My soul wanted growth, yet outdated beliefs put my Ego in command, allowing little room for new growth.
You see, I first accepted my job with wild excitement. I couldn’t wait to learn about marketing within the niches of Personal Growth & Spiritual Development, while building my own Empowered Sensitive business. What a perfect opportunity!
Yet, as I started taking inventory of my life around the lunar eclipse last month, I realized this vision (which had been well-balanced for a while) was now far off-kilter.
Was I making great money at my current job? Yes. Was I SO grateful to have developed many internal and practical skills while working there? Yes. Were my hours, responsibility and expectation to work outside my hours increasing? Unfortunately, YES.
And while I tolerated it for a while, it was time to get real. This invasion of my personal space and the way it was adversely impacting every area of my life was not sustainable to Who I Am and Why I’m Here.
Was I thriving, happy, and fulfilled under these circumstances? The answer was a resounding NOOOOOOOOO. I was feeling more than just unhappiness and frustration from working outside my hours: my purpose, relationships, and Who I Really Am were being compromised…and I was angry.
I’d heard The Call and known this truth for months, but kept quiet. My ego rationed: I want to wait and see if it will improve and maybe things would get better if I just “wait and see”.
Well, I waited, I waited and I waited some more. And the more I waited, the more anger flared up inside me. “BULL SHIT”, it screamed! I turned towards my anger and let it show me what was at stake if I kept on waiting, and my anger took me to a crossroads:
“Perpetuate age-old patterns of silence, victimhood and playing small OR stand up, take back your power and create change in your life, no matter how messy or scary it might be.”
The anger of lifetimes of playing small spoke through me this time around. It wasn’t time to wait. It was time to BE and DO what was needed in honor of Who I Am, the purpose I’m here to live and the people I’m here to serve. Clearly, there was much at stake here.
The thing is: I’ve become a seasoned pro at adjusting myself to meet someone else’s needs, allowing my needs and desires to fade further and further into the distance.
So, at the center of this crossroads was opportunity for a course correction with an age-old pattern. And my anger demanded I take a closer look at the limiting beliefs about myself that were creating this experience. It asked me to take a stand for what I really want my life to be about:
My clarity is growing: I deserve and will create a life with room for my interests, passions, purpose and pleasure to coexist within a container of freedom and adventure. Not a life in which all that’s important to me is sacrificed in service to survival, effort, work and maintenance of the status quo.
You deserve this very same freedom.
My anger was the vehicle that guided me to finally honor these needs and desires of mine.
I finally showed up and had an authentic conversation with my boss. I spoke my needs clearly, assertively and directly, anchored in a deep commitment to my truth and a valuing of who I am. To my surprise, we both discovered a new way for me to contribute there, all-the-while prioritizing space for my Empowered Sensitive business and what’s truly important to me.
Win-wins are possible when you get honest and real about what’s important to you and express your needs from a place of authenticity and openness.
Bottom line: your LIFE matters. Your life is happening NOW. If you feel as though your current life isn’t allowing enough space for Who You Are to exist, take inventory now.
::: Shine the light on the limiting beliefs and Core Distortions that are keeping you trapped.
::: Identify your Core Values and whether your life is aligned with them or aligned with outdated beliefs and expectations for how your life should be lived.
::: Don’t discount your anger, sadness, or discontent. Let it inform you as to what’s missing in your life and what’s next. Your Life is Calling and new fresh choice is available when you choose to risk stepping out of your comfort zone, acknowledging your pain and co-creating change.
Create space to envision your next evolution coming into expression. These are powerful times with capacity for power shifts for the better for each and every one of us. I know you feel it.
So, as the sun of 2012 sets and the dawn of a New Year and new cycle are underway, feel into the new you that’s ready and yearning to be born. What’s different about her, what old layers are dying off so that New Essence may come alive within her?
This is more than just a new year, this is your life. Value yourself, dear ones, and believe in your capacity for renewal and re-creation.
